What I mean by God


When I say God, spirit or mystery, I mean whatever it is you need me to mean.

The word God, after all, is simply a word. The Dao De Jing says of the Dao: the Dao that can be named is not the Dao. God is a word, that’s all, it is at best a reference to something unknown, a pointing finger or a nod in the direction of the divine.

When I write God, in reference to the meditations, myths, stories or rituals in these writings, it is fine if the word God means to you the unconscious or the physically unknown. It means these things to me as well. To me it also means Allah, Ein-Soph, Brahman and YHVH, and all those other names, such as Dao, used to label the mysteries around us.

If you so choose to believe materialistically, and thus doubt a God, that is fine. Let God be your unconscious, or everything you do not know, that you do not understand, such as dark matter, or chirality, genetic mutations, or the beginning of life. We still don’t fully understand these things; we cannot see them, experience them or know them. We catch images of them, material metaphors, visions magnified, or like the Higgs boson, odd data expressions, in a similar way we say God is like the wind, unseen but felt. These material realities are unknown to our senses; they are beyond some level of our comprehension, and yet they dictate our lives and all that we experience.

So if these unknowns are what you consider God, that it is fine. They will play their symbolic role.

When I say God to myself, I mean a presence, a divine consciousness that is not only existent, but aware of myself, and even while I say this, I know it to be a dangerous ontological claim.

I have studied enough philosophy, enough psychology and philosophical systems to know that the safest position, in reality, is skepticism. What can we know? Nothing, everything is a subjective experience that can be entirely misinformed.

True skepticism doesn’t lead to denial of all things, but an ambiguous, open-ended question. We can’t prove it right, and we can’t prove it wrong.

To some of you, that is your relationship with God. For me, this is my relationship to existence, but the one thing that breaks this symmetry of the unknowns is God.

I have seen too much, experienced too many answers to prayers, synchronistic events, and miraculous conversations with strangers coming up to tell me their messages, giving me, without knowing why, the answers to my prayers for direction. I have seen and experienced far too much to deny that there is a greater consciousness aware of me.

Like the Joshua that my parents named me after, I have seen too much of the work of God to ever deny her. So I must say, “as for me and all that I am, I will serve the Lord,” because when I called out, when I wanted to die, when I couldn’t go on, strange things began to happen. Mysteries unfolded, random events took on deeper meaning, and God let it be known that I was not alone. I did not suffer alone. God has always cared for me.

Whether we are reincarnated as souls or bundles of karma, whether there are three, thirteen or infinite numbers of heavens or hells, whether when we die all we are is dust, root fodder and sand, I do not know. What I do know is that there is a guiding principle, more than mundane law, and it is conscious, conscious of us. This I call God, and if I were to doubt it, I would have to doubt my sanity and all that I have experienced. This is why God, when we pursue her, becomes our foundation stone, because she, and to be fair, he, is all that we can truly say we know.

And so I know there is a God, and that being said, I can say that I do not know much of God. Mainly, I can ponder, and I can guess.

What I know is that God is a great weaver and weaves my life extraordinarily well. What I can guess is that God is in everything and beyond everything.

From this you can branch out into theories of good and evil and whatever else you wish, but all that is speculation. What I know is that I believe there is a God because I must. Everything falls apart in me, without that belief, without God. I would not know who I am nor the state of my sanity without God, for I would have to deny the path by which I learned of these things.

If you wish to interpret this as an unconscious father image or dark matter, be my guest, the rituals and meditations described will still be of use to you as they act as focus, allowing you to relate to yourself and existence, which in my subjective understanding, translates into God relating to God.