5 Reasons Why New Year's Resolutions Fail. Plus A New Way To Succeed!

Photo by Gerd Altmann

Photo by Gerd Altmann

We know the story. Every year millions of people make their New Year's resolutions:  They’re going to lose weight, stop drinking, get their six-pack abs, or hit six figures in their business.

Most people give up on these goals by mid-February, but this doesn’t have to be the case. With some good planning and attention to detail, you can see your goals accomplished by 2019.

Why Resolutions Fail

If you follow the life hacker blogs you’ve already heard a few of the reasons why New Year's resolutions fail.

  1. Will Power Isn’t Enough.
  2. The Goal Is Out Of The Person’s Control.
  3. Lack of Planning.
  4. A Critical Mindset.

To this list, I want to add:

  • The Timing Is Off

Timing is a major factor that is overlooked in the self-help world.

After all, the self-help world is its own market, and people are trying to sell their products now.

Self-help gurus know you want to change. They know you believe now is the time to do it, and they have written books, designed machines, and concocted formulas to help you do it.

SO ACT NOW!

Because the self-help market booms in January due to New Year's, and people make a lot of money, no one is talking about how it’s the worst time of year for making drastic changes.

Why Is New Years The Worst Time Of Year To Make Drastic Change?

Because it’s winter and it’s freaking cold outside.

Not to mention dark; here in Portland, OR, it’s dark by 4:30.

Those might seem like lame excuses, but they’re greater obstacles than people give them credit for.

Think about it. Our light exposure is lower. Our vitamin D levels are crashing. Our bodies are fighting to stay warm, a fight they associate with a struggle to survive.

In the winter your body receives the very clear message that it’s fighting for its life. Everything feels just a little bit harder.

Some people experience this very powerfully in Seasonal Affective Disorder, for others it’s a little more nuanced, an unconscious struggle beneath everything they do.

This is why traditional Chinese Medicine suggests going to bed early in winter and waking up late.

Our bodies are exerting a lot more energy, and it’s taking a lot more willpower to do our normal routines. Because of this, it's recommended that we conserve our energy and not start anything aggressive or new.

Meanwhile, New Year's resolutions are asking us to jump out into the dark and cold and transform ourselves overnight. The spirit behind New Year's resolutions is aggressive, and it ends up hemorrhaging energy.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying you should give up on the changes you want to make in 2018. I’m just saying winter can be put to a much better use than a failed attempt at a New Year's resolution. When worked with properly, winter can be cultivated to foster true success.

First, let’s take a look at the ways winter plays into the failed attempts of New Year's resolutions, then we’ll brainstorm how to put winter to good use in creating the changes we want to make in 2018.

1. Willpower Isn’t Enough

It’s a limited resource, and it often vanishes when we get stressed.

Willpower can get us through a few weeks of forcing ourselves into the gym, taking cold showers, or making cold calls, but eventually, it runs out.

We’re creatures of habit, so when we try to change, we need to do so in small behavioral steps. Otherwise, the brain gets tired and stressed, and we revert back to our conditioned behavior.

It’s not because we’re lazy. It’s not because we’re weak-willed or somehow lesser, it’s because we’re human and our brains are a collection of dynamic systems, each of which responds to our environment in a different way, and some of which really don’t give a crap about our New Year's goals.

When people get stressed or tired, they rely on different parts of the brain. Stress sends us into the amygdala, a highly conditioned part of the brain that will do what we’ve always done because it’s what we know to do.

Being tired means that the frontal lobe, the part of the brain that thinks things through and makes News Year's resolutions, is too exhausted to run the ship and tell the rest of the mind what to do.

It’s natural for the frontal lobe and the willpower it invokes to run out of gas sometimes. Especially when we’re tired and stressed.

So why can our overachieving brothers and sisters still make this work?

Well, people respond to stress differently. Some people shut down, others get flooded with adrenaline and start working sixteen-hour days. When we only measure success by dollars in the bank or marathon miles run, these people shine. It’s when we start to look at other aspects of life that things balance out.

Stress isn’t good for the body, and it leads to a lot of physical and mental breakdowns. Type A personalities tend to have a lot more heart-related health problems, not to mention the relationship and life problems that come from channeling anxiety into work or workouts.

In the end, willpower tends to break down because that’s the immediately healthy thing to do. Our resources are limited, so rather than trying to make something work and expending a ton of energy to do it, the mind and body give up and go back to base state.

When the base state is unhealthy this causes long-term problems, but the unconscious mind and body aren’t really aware of that. They just know that the effort is stressing out the body, and it’s too much for them right now.

Meanwhile, all the effort and focus applied by the more conscious part of the mind wears itself out until it gives up.

In winter, there’s a lot more resistance to struggle against.

The body is constantly getting the message that because it’s cold it really needs to be fighting to survive, and because it’s dark it really should be sleeping.

Typically we have less energy in winter and it takes more energy to do things. So when we tell ourselves, “I’m going to the gym three times a week starting January,” we’re signing up for an activity that will be much harder on the mind and body than going in March.

As such, the mind and body push back and we exhaust more willpower. Thus, willpower runs out faster.

2. The Goal Is Out Of Your Control

Most goals that get set with the New Year are a lot further out of people’s control than they think.

Someone resolves to lose 50 pounds, and that's great, but when they give themselves a deadline, they've just set a goal that they have very little power over. As someone who helps people lose weight, I can tell you that releasing 50 pounds is very possible, but the road to get there is going to be different for everyone.

I have clients (typically men) who can drop 50 in a couple of months, normally clients who have more than a hundred pounds to release. They can shift a couple of basic behaviors, like quitting soda or cutting out high carb foods, and the weight falls off.

At least for the first few months.

Eventually, everyone hits a plateau, and many people start there. People who lost weight easily when they were young find that their metabolism has slowed with age, or when doing everything right with diet and exercise discover that they’re having thyroid problems.

A lot of my clients didn’t realize that antidepressants or other medications were adding on the pounds, and it was only after working with me and their doctors to explore other alternatives that they were able to shed some weight.

If the resolution is to lose X amount of weight by Y amount of time, there’s only so much we can do to accomplish that goal. The rest is in the hands of our body chemistry.

When people run up against that chemistry and the weight isn’t dropping, they lose motivation.

This is why it is important to set goals that are achievable.

For instance, you can’t control how much weight you’re going to lose, or whether you’ll be in a stressful situation in 2018, but you can set goals to eat healthy and practice meditation for stress management.

Setting goals that are within your control means you can actually accomplish what you set out to do.

When we attempt our goals in the winter we’re doing so with a lot more resistance than the more temperate seasons. 

If I am trying to set goals that are accomplishable I need to be cognizant that willpower is limited and that my environment affects my behavior. In this case, winter can reduce my motivation to start demanding projects or activities outdoors.

So if my plan is to get in better shape for the year, rather than go 0-60 and buy a year membership at the gym (which I’ll only use for the month of January), I’ll want to set a goal I can easily accomplish in the winter.

For example, I can start doing light workouts at home to get into the habit of taking care of myself and working out. This workout routine can then grow with the year. 

By springtime I’ll be feeling healthier from the increased activity, I’ll already have time set aside to work out, and my energy levels will be higher with the new season. Perfect time to hit the gym!

And this brings us to our next point: planning, the keystone of any successful resolution.

3. Lack Of Planning

Many people with resolutions have a goal in mind, but they don’t have a plan to get there. I’ve definitely been one of those people.

Last autumn, I decided I wanted to expand my business. I was seeing great results with clients and loving the work I was doing. So I threw some more money at Google AdWords and tried to up my social media presence.

The problem was, I didn’t know how to up my social media presence, so I ended up flailing around on Facebook as Google AdWords brought people to a web page that didn’t really capture who I was or what I had to offer.

It took a couple weeks of floundering before I came to the decision that this life coach needed a business coach. So I partnered with Nannette Minley and have been loving the decision ever since.

First, she helped me clarify my passion.

I knew I liked helping people transform and change, but let’s face it, that’s a pretty vague descriptor.

I had to dig in and really reflect on things. What I came to discover is that I love doing the deep work of healing personal trauma while helping people discover and embody their core selves. 

I also love incorporating a really strong behavioral program. This transforms the numinous insights of the psyche into healthy physical actions such as self-care through exercise, nutrition, stress management practices, and goal setting for a better life.

Both the deep healing work and the behavioral work were incredibly important to me and brought me to the next steps: clarifying who I wanted to work with, and then establishing specific goals and techniques to make contact with those people and offer my services.

Rather than drift through autumn hoping to achieve a goal as I hemorrhaged advertising capital, I was able to gain focus, clarity, and an action plan while saving myself money.

When we set a goal, we need to think it through, do our research, and gather our resources.

Winter is the perfect time to do this. It’s cold, dark, and water is falling from the sky. Perfect time to stay inside and get our planning on.

Do some inner work to ascertain your goals.

Once you’ve thought things through, you can start gathering the resources you’ll need for the year. Maybe that means more strategizing and research. Maybe it’s scouting out gyms, equipment or trainers. Maybe it’s saving money to take some classes or enter into a program.

Gather what you need in winter while starting up the process of change. You have the whole year to make the changes you desire. Better to tortoise it now while gathering and planning things out than to rush off to the races and give things up by mid-January.

4. A Critical Mindset

Most people set resolutions about the things they're going to swear off. Sugar, junk food, alcohol, cigarettes. Breaking away from these things is great, but the focus tends to be on immediate results or lack thereof.

For ambitious resolutions like upping sales by 200% most of the attention is on the numbers, and because we tend to be self-critical, the attention goes to how we're failing to get those numbers.

When we focus on a rigid definition of success, it doesn’t give us much room to be creative or to maintain motivation when times get hard.

We’ve already covered how setting a goal that is not technically in your control, like pounds lost or contracts signed, can lead to a lot of frustration. When we then approach the situation looking for where we went wrong, we’re doubling our suffering.

Even for goals that have been realigned to fit the reality of what we can control, mindset is a huge part of the equation.

I’m not saying “don’t think a negative thought,” or "if you think negatively you’ll attract negative things.”

The ability to critique yourself and your behavior is the only way you’re going to be able to push yourself to grow beyond your comfort level.

The problem is, if you are only focusing on critiques you’re missing a large piece of the overall picture, just as you would by only focusing on the positives.

Because the truth of the big picture is you’re human. A human with a human brain, and brains are conditioned by what humans do, and they take time to change.

No reasonable adult is going to get mad at a kid for falling off their bike the first time they ride.

Why?

Because they’re learning. Learning takes repeated failures until we get it right.

Every time we try to start something new or make a resolution to do something out of the norm, we have to learn that behavior.

So if your resolution is to eat healthy, then it’s going to take time to figure out how to eat healthy in every scenario. Of course, you can plan meals of protein and vegetables at home, but what about those emergency days when you get a flat tire, work was hell, and the kids are sick?

In the stress that follows the brain is going to do what’s most convenient because it’s in a panic mode and not remembering your resolution.

Some part might. Probably the frontal lobe, and you’ll hear it as a tiny voice in the background saying “I swore I wouldn’t do this.”

But in the moment of fight, flight, or freeze, the frontal lobe isn’t running the show. So it’s probably going to be fast food for dinner.

And that’s fine. It’s the first time since the New Year you were in a crisis situation and you didn’t know what to do. Rather than beat yourself up over it, take some time to research alternatives.

What local grocery stores or restaurants provide healthier options nearly as quickly?

What if once a week you prepared an emergency dish for that week? Something healthy that holds up well in the fridge. Worst case scenario, no emergency happens and you eat it at the end of the week.

Or maybe once a month you cook up several emergency meals to freeze.

When we get into a growth mindset we can transform failures into learning lessons, while enjoying ourselves and our successes at the same time. This is critical for New Year's resolutions as it keeps motivation up for the year and leads to true success.

It’s also a mindset that can be hard for most of us in the winter when it’s dark and cold as all hell outside. People are more prone to depression in the winter, and it’s a state of mind that makes it hard to see beyond what we think we did wrong.

Rather than fight winter and the effect it has on our moods, we can work with it, taking the time to plan and cultivate the change we will create in the year to come, research ways to overcome challenges and hurdles, and reflect on past experience to brainstorm new ways to do things.

If You Want Your Resolution to Succeed, Put Winter To Good Use.

Winter is the perfect time to start our resolutions. The trick is recognizing that every resolution should start with self-reflection, research, and planning.

In winter, I recommend stepping into the role of becoming your own life coach.

Ask yourself:

1. “What is my motivation to change?”

A lot of people set goals based on desires that they aren’t really passionate about, or at least not enough to do the work. Every guy wants a six-pack, but it’s hard AF to get a six pack. The desire isn’t going to be enough to motivate most people to hit the gym that often or eat perfectly.

Instead, connecting with your own health, your plans for the future, and how you want to preserve your health puts you in the gym for your well being. A passion far more likely to motivate you to consistently exercise, as the results are easier to attain and have greater value.

I'd also like to point out that the motivation has to come from you. While it’s nice to quit smoking for a partner or the kids, it’s not likely to happen. External pressure only affects us so long before we buckle. If you want true change, it has to come from within.

If you find the motivation for your resolution is coming from others, consider ways to make it your own.

For example, if you want to quit smoking, research the health effects of smoking, get intimately familiar with it, read about people who have died young from it, and then connect with any long-lived family or heroes.

Ask yourself, "what can I do with an extra 10 years to live?" If you’re having problems thinking about it, step into more research and figure out what motivates you and makes you passionate enough about life to quit smoking.

2. “How will I cultivate my motivation?”

Most of us are pain motivated. We reach the point of wanting to change when we’ve experienced too much pain. The problem with this is that once the heat is off we go right back to life as normal. Maybe we’ve made a bit of progress but we’re not really where we want to be and we don’t keep moving till the next crisis.

If you want to make consistent change and grow, you need to find what keeps you motivated.

Search through your memories to a time when you were really motivated with no threat of pain. What motivated you? What kept you pumped up?

If you can remember any times like these, start experimenting with behaviors that get you excited. What music gets you energized? What simple exercises or activities make you enthusiastic?

If you’re having a hard time with this, consider rewriting your New Year resolution to “discover what I’m passionate about in life,” and take the year to explore yourself.

Once you find your passion, it’ll be a lot easier to drop the things that get in the way and cement the things that help you achieve your goals.

3. “What don’t I know about my resolution?”

It’s always good to ask yourself what you don’t know, and then to research it.

For instance, most people who try and quit smoking quit cold turkey and don’t replace the behavior with anything else. When you’re trying to quit a behavior it’s always important to know what you’re using the behavior for and how you can replace it with something healthier.

In the case of smoking, people use it for everything from relaxation, to staying awake, social anxiety, an excuse to get away from crowds, an opportunity to go outside, to collect their thoughts, to do something with their hands while driving, to celebrate an achievement, to take a break, to signal the close of one activity and the start of another.

Most heavy smokers use cigarettes for most of the above.

If you want to successfully quit you’ll want to discover why you’re using cigarettes and what other activities you can replace it with. For instance, giving yourself permission to simply go on walks so you get outdoors and get some time to yourself to think.

If you’re smoking from stress, consider researching and learning other stress management resources.

Think things through and research what you don’t know.

4. “What steps does it take to achieve my goals?”

Once you know where your motivation is coming from, how you’ll keep it engaged, and what you still need to learn about the change, it’s time to plan out the steps you’ll take to reach your goals.

It’s always best to start small and keep things simple. This is also great for working with the winter as you can use the winter months as an incubator for the habits you want to get down.

For instance, if you want to eat healthier the first place to start is being mindful of what nutrients and foods you’re eating. You can do this by recording the foods you’re eating and checking your micronutrients.

Along the way you can do research to fill any nutritional information you don’t have.

Personally, I’d focus more on micronutrients than calories. Calorie counting tends to only be useful if you’re eating a ton of extra food. If you’re making sure to get the protein and vegetables you need, food consumption tends to drop as you feel fuller longer.

After a couple weeks of mindfully discovering what micronutrients you’re low on, and what you eat too much of, you can then work on increasing those nutrients and cutting out harmful foods one at a time. Give yourself a week for each so that you can better adjust.

This way you’re not trying to change everything overnight and you’re giving yourself time to adapt. After all, it’s not just a matter of “eating more protein,” or “cutting carbs” you’re going to have to figure out how you’ll get in more protein, and what you’ll replace the carbs with.

This means finding different recipes, discovering different methods of food preparation, accounting for differences in the amount of time it takes to prepare the food, discovering different emergency options for stressful or busy days so you don’t resort to unhealthy foods or drop your healthy ones.

You’re not just changing one thing, you’re changing your entire system so it’s good to start small and make persistent change than overwhelm yourself by trying to change everything at once.

Conclusion:

Save yourself the frustration of a failed New Years resolution and work with the winter instead of against it. Put it to good use as a time of planning, research, and resource gathering.

You can start your path to change and transformation right away, just make sure you’re taking small steps that stay in sync with the season. After all, it’s the hardest time of the year on your mind and body, so anything you do will meet with a bit more resistance.

If you put the season to good use though, you’ll have everything planned for, researched, and gathered for the coming year which will allow you to follow through with your goals and make some big changes in 2018.

Call to Action:

If you’re still not sure about the idea of starting slow in winter I challenge you to look over your previous New Years resolutions.

Did they work? If so, why do you believe they worked and if there is a mixed bag of successes and failures what do you believe was the difference between the two?

Take these lessons to heart because they speak about your own subjective experience. That’s something I can’t do, so run with that if you find a personal truth different then what I've shared. (Also, reach out so I can get another perspective of change and how you have done things!)

If you do discover that you tend not to follow through with your New Years resolutions give this technique of working with the winter a try.

Go Further:

If you want to establish a firm foundation for your life and healing check out my guide: Break Out of the Rut, it gives some tips I use with my clients to improve their lives 10x over.

I’ve also included a free hypnosis recording to help you on your way.

Just click here to get the guide and your free hypnosis.

 

5+ Steps to Master a Skill and Transform Yourself. No 10,000 Hours Necessary.

You’ve probably heard the theory that it takes ten thousand hours for skill mastery.

It’s been a huge part of the self-development community since Malcolm Gladwell released his book Outliers.

If you’re anything like me you’ve already run the math to determine how many hours a day for how many years you’ll have to spend in order to master the violin, yoga, martial arts and everything else from writing to cooking.

In some ways, this has been empowering. I feel like I can pick up any task, give it twenty years and master it. In other ways, it’s been overwhelming. I mean that’s a lot of practice.

But there’s good news. Malcolm was wrong.

The Day After Elections, a Time for Coming Out

There are two voices inside me right now as I get ready to post this.

One says you should never speak about politics anywhere near your business.

The other says that many people in this nation are currently feeling desperately lost and confused. So as a peer who is experiencing this self-same experience I am posting this on here.

Today I came out to family and friends on facebook. I realize that as the nation has decided to take towards repression I must become clear in my identity and in my voice. Below is what I posted:

Why I'm a Blogging Hypnotist and Lifecoach

Thank You!

In some of my harder, darker times, it was this moment, this moment right HERE that got me through.It was the dream of this life, this ability to share with others, to be able to speak to them about their pain, their suffering, and the ways that they can transform it all that kept me going.

It was comforting to know that I wouldn’t just be preaching, or telling people something that I read in a book, but rather something I experienced, something I know from the inside out.