Welcome to my book/life/work/art, Bla, bla, bla and the charley brown teacher drones on and on. . .
Before we begin, let me give you a warning that this first bit is a little crass.
While I love my creator God, and mean no offense to any of your blushing minds,
I am very aware of what I say and how, and it is said for a specific purpose.
For it is the peculiarity of existence that the mind which contemplates purity, beauty, the spirit, soul and the divine, is housed in a body that eats and shits. That lusts and wants forever. That has drives to get drunk and fuck, and hears these words repeated endlessly all around itself as others are honest with their realities. So forgive my crudeness, for it is simply the acknowledgment of this odd predicament.
It is for these reasons that the east calls our body the gross body, while the inner self is known as the subtle. So as you read this introduction, pretend like you are piercing through this gross body in order to enter into the world of the subtle.
While I am typically a much shier person who doesn’t like acknowledging these dirtier aspects of life, such as shitting,
I must point them out, so that I can create a body, which is crude, to be the vessel of the spirit and mind, which I hope to be refined.
And now to begin,
but how to begin? I guess with a time, place, name.
The time, lets just go with the date, is Easter Sunday 2011, the Christ is born,
Place; my mind, coming at you through my Mac’s keyboard, a lot of letters, concepts, ideas, realizations and yada yada. Oh yeah, I’m also under an oak tree, the sky is gorgeous, the clouds of white are slowly streaming by the beautifully blue vastness.
Life feels ideal, dream like, bran spanking new. The birds are chirping, the branches swaying, and life is loving itself. Where am I? My backyard in any old suburb, life is beautiful.
Name: Joshua Leonard Burkhart.
Now where to begin?
You see I just realized the end of the book, and I like it so much, I might just put it right here at the beginning.
The lead up is as follows:
I am born, I live, I cry, eat, shit, touch myself, and touch others, all while I think and feel, and thus I am. Now while I mistake myself for these thoughts, they are essentially the excess calories of my diet finding another way to process, while my emotions are the programmed responses of millions of years of learned adaptation, responding to a world ever new and changing.
Welcome to consciousness.
But where is the end of the book? It’s coming, kinda like an orgasm, you know it’s coming, it’s going to be great when it gets here, but till then, sit back and enjoy the ride, while I throw some more of my moves at you.
The ending comes at the end of this book, which has taken the last few years of my life to write.
The book is basically me trying to figure out my life and the images of the memories that I have, the fantasies, the worlds of myth, religions, superstructures, and other people’s realities that I find myself born into.
Like I said, I’m eating: EATING EVERYTHING, light, sound, knowledge, your stories, that girl’s random gossip, facts from science, beautiful poetry, all of reality.
Yeah, I eat a lot, I’m growing, what can I say.
Now I’m digesting, these thoughts, stories, images, they are bubbling up inside of me, giving me odd contemplations, reflections, realizations, dreams and revelations.
By the way, this process is called Agni by the Hindu.
The burning of life that sustains you, and the processing of this into growth and being.
When this life burns so bright, it is glory, this is called Tov by the Hebrew,
the light of the philosopher stone by the alchemists, and the glory of Christ or the Buddha by Christians and Buddhists.
But that is just one aspect of the allegory. There is a gathering, a compressing, and from this a burning, like coal on fire. Another way to see this, is an eating, a digesting and then a scattering, so that this book is literally my shitting. Any wisdom gained from its writing, the nutrients of my life experience digested. Like some really bad stools, it gets hard some times, or boring. Sometimes it just runs on and on. But what the heck, I’m just making room for more eating.
So now what about that ending I promised you?
It is still coming, just like it will be coming this entire book.
By the way, it just so happens to be the answer to everything. I mean, EVERYTHING!
And it is coming!
Part of me feels bad about what I am going to do to your minds, I’m giving you some questionable food to eat. It’s going to upset your mental digestion, and you’re probably going to regret eating it.
Honestly, looking at the book from the ending, I feel like I could delete most of it.
It’s dry at times, overly symbolic.
And not only is it over the top, but lets be real, I eat a lot.
All the world religions, most of its philosophy, its history, its myths, and its politics.
I was so hungry that I even started eating its occult knowledge, the esoteric, surface religions and the depths of the initiate.
Which means I have a lot of symbols to shit out at you.
I’m tempted to just delete half of it, as I have done over and over again throughout the last three years. While at the same time, I want to keep it all.
Because like some weirdo who keeps their nail trimmings, hair clippings, or the trash bin where they vomited their bulimia, this is all a part of me.
So instead of deleting it, I’m going to make you eat it. Hopefully you’re just as hungry as I am. Cause really being a food lover, how many meals are exquisite? Most of them just get us by, or even better, they get us sick, and then we have something to talk about as we bitch to our friends, “that food didn’t agree with me.”
The ending? It’s coming, I promise you, but first we got to get there, and so we are walking and talking.
“By the way, the reading of this book is not meant to be passive. You are supposed to think, read between the lines and hold up your end of this discussion. Connect the dots, and realize that there are dots to connect. Read a bit, walk away, think it through, contemplate it in a thousand ways throughout your day, and come back to it.
It’s what I did.”
Now sitting here at the end of the book, I can tell you that it runs on and on. So I’m going to throw myself back at you here and there to grab your attention.
Imagine skipping a stone, the book is all the water beneath, it’s just built up layers of H2O working the miracle of collective (shit I can’t get my mind to birth this word, and so I have another image to throw at you: humans, all linked hand in hand, holding tight, that miracle) covalent bonding.
Did I lose you in my symbolism yet?
It tends to happen, in fact it has happened to all the great philosophers, thinkers and religions. We get stuck on the symbol, and lose the meaning, which is normally given in the ending.
Which is still yet to come.
You get the feeling that I’m slow jerkin you? Cause I am, that ending is coming, it’s just gonna be a while till it hits ya. Just relax, don’t let the pressure build too blue.
Anyways, back to what I was saying. Imagine that you are skipping a stone.
The water is my writing, the mental shitting from the last three years of my life. The stone is “being real.” It glides over the bullshit, and in those eight or so bounces. Or to be honest, more like One,
You following me? Cause honestly I am getting kinda confused myself,
but I have faith it will all come together.
And now that ending I promised you, which I will give to you in the beginning, so that you, perhaps wasting your time by reading the rest of this, cannot blame me.
You’re going to need a lead up.
The story starts, I’m talking, we’re walking,
a stone is skipping,
some of you might feel like puking.
Balls are getting blue, I’m jerkin it.
I end up on a cross dying.
my eyes opening for the first time,
through God’s own initiation of consciousness,
my mind births itself into the realization of the infinite,
and the answer to everything follows.